Yes, I will buy you a diamond ring, and ask you to marry me.
I will do so if I love you and you love me and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I will do so because I care and want to give you what you want in exchange for the acceptance of a proposal meant to last a lifetime. I will do so because that's what you expect and that's what's expected of me.
Yes, I will ask you the question, but I will question the concept of a diamond ring. There have been countless times I've been in the presence of a female when they have pointed out the ring on another lady's finger. Not as a hint, just as an observation. Those that are single will point out the size of that diamond the same way those that are happily married will. Sometimes it seems to be the first thing people notice and judge someone on.
Thoughts of diamond rings and their association with a happy marriage are embedded into our minds at a very early age. What's one of the first children's nursery rhymes that comes to your mind, if I may ask? What might come to mind likely includes, in the second line of the song, mind you: "mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring."
This is to hush a baby? This is what nursery rhymes are teaching our children? Hush, and mama will buy you a diamond ring. It's no wonder that "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" is arguably the most notorious song by Marilyn Monroe.
There's an entire Leonardo DiCaprio movie dedicated to securing a large diamond in Africa, depicting temptation and shady business. It's called BLOOD Diamond. Popular culture is littered with references to diamonds.
But was that always the case? No.
Diamonds weren't always a prized possession. And when they became one, behind the scenes there was a lot of bloodshed, kidnapping, lies, and deception. The market for diamonds was created by, and cornered by, big industries. Diamonds were stockpiled, kept out of sight, and then called rare, raising the prices of the luxury item that absolutely must be a part of everybody's household, whether presented on a ring or a flower vase. The fact that can't be denied is that the diamond ring, for engagement or marriage, wasn't really a thing until the 1950s. Am I just saying things? You can do the research yourself, but the point here isn't to complete a massive source list.
The point here is that females have no idea the pressure the diamond ring puts on a man. Is it going to be good enough? Will She acccept it? Will she love it? Will she be proud of it? We are raised to believe that the diamond ring means more to the girl of our dreams than anything else.
Love does exist without a diamond ring, and it's a beautiful thing. Alas, to seal the love for the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we must get them the diamond of their dreams. These days, getting married isn't even referred to as getting married so much. The new slang is "putting a ring on it."
I have heard girls say, "I expect a big fat diamond ring." I'd rather they say, "I expect a long lasting loving heart."
Hopefully my future wife will love me for me and not a ring. God hopes so. But it's a burden on my shoulders built up by the culture around me to get her the perfect diamond ring. If she loves me, but not the ring, how might that affect us moving forward? Should I feel shame if the ring I get her doesn't live up to her childhood dreams? Should I feel awkward around her friends knowing that they compare rings and judge eachother by their rings? I know they do that because I've seen and heard them do it my entire life. A ring has nothing to do with a positive relationship. It's a very nice symbol of dedication and commitment, but it's not something to be waved around and flailed about and compared, unless it's used to steer off unwanted advances.
Despite the short history of the diamond ring, it's already a sacred heirloom within families. Who gets Grandma's ring? That is a question that I'm sure has been the center of many family fights and the cause of long-lasting resentment all across the country. It can be a relationship ruiner, the elephant in the room. My ring isn't as nice as the ones that others have. He doesn't care enough about me to get me a nicer ring. The size of the ring does not correlate with the amount of love to be given.
How about when people say something like: "wow, Sally, look at that ring! You better hold onto him!"? So Sally better hold on to him because he gave her an extravagant ring? What if the Tom or Joe, with money falling out of his pockets, isn't necessarily a nice guy? Maybe he cheats on Sally constantly. Maybe he dictates her every move. Maybe he abuses her, physically, emotionally... it doesn't matter because everybody has told her she better hold onto that Tom or Joe because he gave her such a nice ring. That's been drilled into her head. Visions of diamonds have been in her head since she was a child hearing a nursery rhyme and amplified when she first saw the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I applaud those who share love without the slightest concern about a ring. They're out there. But quietly, think to yourself, whether you're a guy or a girl, how much you've been raised to think that the ring matters. On your deathbed, it won't be the ring that mattered, so get that out of your head now. Diamond rings are valuable to marriage only because we're told they are. We've been told that since the 1950s by corporations and marketing. Why?
I challenge you to defy the standard. Stand up to those who profit from our love. I could spend a paycheck or two, or three even, to make you feel special. Or we could spend that money on proper groceries and instead I write you a poem from my heart. I can write it and frame it and nail it up on the wall. That's something you wouldn't flaunt because it will always belong only to you and not something to worry about passing down. That is something you truly can think about on your deathbed rather than have your kids or grandkids fight over who gets your ring.
Diamonds may give a sense of happiness, temporarily, or give something to flaunt, but more so, they simply define status while love asks for none. They serve no functional purpose that I know of. They are good for nothing more than looking fancy and being the source of resentment between lovers. Between friends. Between family. Oh, those sparkly things.
I will end by stating that the most beautiful lyrics to include the word "diamond" have nothing to do with a ring. Leave it to Bob Dylan to give us that.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky With one hand waving free Silhouetted by the sea Circled by the circus sands With all memory and fate Driven deep beneath the waves Let me forget about today until tomorrow. -Bob Dylan, Mr. Tamborine Man, 1965